Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
