Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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