I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
