I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
