and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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