im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
