i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
