I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
