And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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