: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
