got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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