she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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