STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
