Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
