she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
birth control should be required to get into college
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
