I feel great
I just peed on a car
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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