Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When did angry sex become our thing?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
