i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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