those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
