Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
