If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry about my life...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
