There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
