i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I AM VODKA MAN
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
