And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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