I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
