and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
