Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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