why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
