My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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