FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
