Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
