Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
