You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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