My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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