Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's always time for handjobs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
