what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
false alarm. still invincible.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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