Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
