I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
