You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
