We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Randomize
