I wish I could teleport
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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