I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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