i don't like sucking hair
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I will pee on everything he values.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
