As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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