I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
