I think my fart just growled at me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
