Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
