You made me cry and you don't even care
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
