I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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