Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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