If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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