i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
