it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
